I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
