You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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