I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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