why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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