just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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