Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
