u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
