To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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