for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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