Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
sex in a hospital.. check
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
This couple is walking their pig around campus
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
