The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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