D3 body, D1 cock
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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