The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
