Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
