If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
