i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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