Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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