wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
