Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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