Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Panties = found
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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