Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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