Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
