New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
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