Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
