marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I have feelings that need drinking.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
