Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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