Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
