It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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