if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
