Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
