I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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