at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
