my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
