something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
