the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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