thus making me awesome and them whores
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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