Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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