Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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