the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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