felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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