Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
