Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
