I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
