ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
