how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
