one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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