When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
