i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
