Pappa wants mamma naked
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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