i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
