i don't like sucking hair
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
