FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
